You're Not Failing as a Parent
3 Simple Things Your Kids Need
You’re not failing as a mom or dad. How do I know? Because you’re reading this right now. If you were failing as a parent, you wouldn’t care that you were failing as a parent — right?
It became apparent to me that we, as parents, are putting way too much pressure on ourselves when I was performing key word research for a different post. I found that when you type “am i failing” in Google, the next words it suggests are: at life, as a parent, as a father, as a husband, at my job, as a mother — in that order.
It really bothers me to know that so many people think they are failing as a parent, and my guess is that most people are measuring they’re success as a parent based on other people’s expectations. Like, I’m failing because I couldn’t figure out the perfect teacher gift; or I didn’t get the perfect family picture taken for the Christmas card; or I didn’t have the perfect, over-the-top birthday party for my kid.
Seriously! You have to let all that go — or you’re going to drive yourself crazy — and focus on 3 simple things your kids need from you:
- Your Attention – Not 24/7, but if your kid is trying to tell you something that is obviously important to them, stop what you’re doing, look them in the eye, and give them your undivided attention for a few minutes.
- Security – Kids like order and stability. They like to know what’s coming next. They like to know when Mom/Dad is going to be home. Try to maintain consistent morning and evening routines. But, if you can’t (and there will definitely be days you can’t), all you have to do is let your kids know what’s going on — what’s coming next.
- Your Approval – Kids want to please their parents. They want their parents to be proud of them. Now, that doesn’t mean that you have to approve of everything they do, but make sure you tell them when you are proud of them. And, when you’re not so proud, make sure you tell them that too, but communicate it in a way that doesn’t belittle them.
Now for a fun surprise! I asked my 11-year-old daughter what she likes best about me as a mom and what she likes least.
Keep scrolling for her oh-so-honest answers 😄.
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My Best and Worst
Here we go — straight from the mouth of an 11-year-old.
The 3 best things about me as a mom:
- I exercise with her and go on bike rides with her.
- I let her go to her friends’ houses and facetime with them.
- I gave her money to spend on her birthday. (I gave her $100 to spend on a birthday snack and/or dinner and presents. We’re not talking about a ton of money here.)
The 3 worst things about me as a mom:
- I don’t let her watch TV at bedtime (once she’s in bed).
- I only let her stay up until 10:00, even in the summer.
- I called her a bad word once. (Yes, I did; I’m not perfect.)
See, she’s really not expecting that much from me. She wants to spend some time with me, and she wants me to give her a little freedom. That’s really what it boils down to.
To learn about setting meaningful goals for yourself and your kids, read: The Best Personal Growth Goal You Can Have
To learn about attachment styles — the ways we form bonds with our children — read: Can’t Find Love? You Need to Read This
Click here for more posts with a “trust yourself” theme.
If you’re ready to Stop Settling & Start Living! check out our home page to learn more about what The Expectation Gaps has to offer.
And until next time . . . have a SUCCESSFUL day!
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