A Guest Post From Matt Bain
Benefits: Discover a delightful way to embrace joy.
So That You Can: Fully live and enjoy the life you already have by recognizing, and making a mental affirmation of, the Delights you receive every single day.
Go From Inspiration to Action With the Worksheet Below!
Who is Ross Gay and What is a “Delight?”
Instant Delight GUARANTEED at the expense of reading this post and a little deliberate thought
You were delighted today but just don’t know it yet – read ahead to find out how…
Delight Delight Delight!!!
As you can see, I’ve scrapped all four tentative titles. I was trying to ensure that you would be enticed to read this post and, thereby, receive an instant Delight (a life-enriching experience) by the end of it. But the Delight, so to speak, is something I can’t really promise because it hinges on the individual sitting down, post post, and writing a bit.
Many of you might already be groaning at that, which would make me, as a writer, glum*. But, truth be told, I often have to drag myself to my journal to write, the same way that I have to drag myself to the gym for exercise, even though I know that, by doing so, my outlook, via a physical act — not to mention my physical and mental health — will be vastly improved.
Okay, I’ll tell you what: I can promise a Delight even if you can’t scrounge up a scrap paper, let alone a notepad. It’s more about the thought process. The recollection of something that took place in your life today, that you may not have taken stock of.
* Glum! What a cool word! A variant of Gloom, which Dictionary.com has as the Middle English gloumben, glomen to frown. (I was totally glomening in that moment!)
Yes, It Already Happened!
I guarantee it — either very recently or earlier in the day. But your day did not pass without a Delight taking place. And that goes for anyone in this world, irregardless of race, creed, station, sex, etc.
How do I know? Or, you may be asking, “How can you, dear writer, possibly qualify that statement??” I will return to this question at the end of the post and make an empirical point; for now, you’ll have to trust me*. Delight happened to you! But you may not have realized it yet.
But first, and quickly, let’s be ultra-specific about what a Delight is. As defined by Dictionary.com, a Delight is:
something that gives a high degree of pleasure…from Old French delit, from deleitier to please…[the] English spelling influenced by light
Though I’m more interested in the definition given by the poet and essayist Ross Gay (more on Ross in a moment):
[A Delight] often involves an element of surprise or an element of ‘I didn’t know that,’ or ‘I didn’t know that I knew that,’ or ‘I forgot that’ . . . Or something [that is] sweet and reminds us of the good. It’s a category of joy.**
So I take from all this that a Delight is something that gives pleasure, joy, but only when we recognize it for what it is and make a mental affirmation as such. But how do we recognize (know again) something of a kind that’s been passing us by, each day, without our initial cognizance (knowing)? (I know that I certainly wasn’t doing a very good job of it!)
* After all, I’m offering something that’s already yours! Absolutely free. You just have to claim it.
** From an MPR (Minnesota Public Radio) interview with Euan Kerr, link at the end of this post.
How do we acquire the skill to know (Cognize!) a Delight in the first place?
We take a page from the aforementioned Ross Gay — the guru and extricator extraordinaire, of daily Delights — who wrote the literal book.
But second, let’s be quickly specific about who Ross Gay is.
Ross is a poet and essayist who has written several books — not least among these the Catalog of Unabashed Gratitude, winner of two prestigious awards — and has received three fellowships (I would name them if their names would mean anything to anyone outside the deep-state writing biz). He currently passes his craft on at Indiana University, where he teaches.*
Most importantly, Ross is the deeply caring, empathetic human being who took it upon himself to conduct the prose experiment, The Book of Delights, and thereby demonstrate a way in which all of us can fully live and enjoy the life we already have. A way in which we can recognize, and make mental affirmation of, the Delights we receive every single day.
* If you’re interested in Ross’ bona fides as a professional writer, scholar, teacher, follow the links at the end of this post.
So what’s the prose experiment, The Book of Delights, and how do we conduct this experiment for ourselves?
In the preface to The Book of Delights, Ross relates how his own eyes were opened by a Delightful experience and how he felt a need to write about it and share it with others. He decided to write one “essayette” each day, for a year, about something that delighted him. (These range in length from one paragraph to four pages).
He began on his 42nd birthday and chose to write one each day until his 43rd. (Spoiler alert: He didn’t manage 365 essayettes, as he calls them, but got close; no one’s perfect!). He also chose to write them quickly and by hand. These simple rules made the writing of Delights “a discipline . . . a practice,” the goal being to, “spend time thinking and writing about delight every day.”
Before long, Ross developed what he calls a “Delight radar,” or “Delight muscle.” Something that allowed him to quickly key into and recognize these instances as they took place. The more he wrote, the stronger the “radar” became. And the more Delights he sensed, the more delight full his life felt. Ross is quick to add that these Delights do not always come without negative emotions but, rather, come in spite of them.
The upshot of all this? The key finding of the experiment?
That Delight is exponential!
I learned that… my delight grows — much like love and joy — when I share it.
Now who doesn’t want exponential Delight in their life?? Especially since it’s already yours! You just haven’t claimed it yet.* And since Ross is so keen on sharing/having his delight grow . . . (please don’t sue me, Mr. G.!) I’d like to offer a few excerpted examples from his amazing Book as templates/starters for you. I’ve chosen three that are, in my opinion, the most straightforward Delights from the book, and each is of a general type. Ok, here we go . . .
* No, I’m not a Nigerian prince claiming you as a relative, or someone claiming to be a Nigerian prince claiming you as a relative, I promise.
Delight Type 1: Something you saw that you thought was beautiful
The something in question could be any thing as beauty is in the eye of . . . and all that jazz. But as Ross Gay regards beauty-in-the-eye-of, I present the following excerpt from, “Flower in the Curb”:
. . . returning from my errands, walking up Belton Way . . . I saw something bright . . . on the curb. . . . it was some kind of gorgeous flower, mostly a red I don’t think I actually have words for, a red I’ve maybe only ever seen in this flower growing out of the crack between the curb and the asphalt street at the terminus of Belton Way. The gold is like a corona around the petals, and there are a few flecks throughout, the way people will have freckles in their eyes or glints of lightning in their pupils. And beside this flower, or kin with it, growing from the same stem as the blazing, is an as-yet-unwrapped bud, greenish with the last hint of yellow, shining in the breeze, on the verge, I imagine, of exploding.
Your turn! Zip back through the memory of your day. Did you see something different, unique, amazing, strange — some part of the natural world — a flower, insect, four-legged friend — or some part of the artificial world — graffiti, architecture, signage — that gave you pause, even for a second? Something you were curious about, wanted to investigate, or were simply intrigued by? If so, write it down! Quickly and by hand.
Otherwise, on to Type 2! (actually Type is sounding a bit like a disease and not a remedy, so we’re switching to Category, which sounds like something malleable, non-deadly, and made of many disparate parts — like a caterpillar! Delight!)
Delight Type Category 2*: Some wonderful, eccentric, or empathetic activity you observed a person(s) doing
Again, the activity — the something — could be any thing they did. As long as it may have delighted you. Here’s an excerpt from one of my favorites from Ross entitled, “Sharing a Bag”:
I adore it when I see two people — today it was, from the looks of it, a mother and child — sharing the burden of a shopping bag or sack of laundry by each gripping one of the handles . . .
I suppose part of why I so adore the sack sharing is because most often this is a burden one or the other could manage just fine solo — which makes it different from dragging Granny’s armoire up two flights of steps, say, or wrestling free a truck stuck hip-deep in a snow bank. Yes, it’s the lack of necessity of this act that’s perhaps precisely why it delights me so. Everything that needs doing . . . would get done just fine without this meager collaboration. But the only thing that needs doing, without it, would not.
Your turn! Did you see a person(s) doing something wonderful today? Or something completely out of the ordinary? Or something empathetic (a proof that they understood another’s comfort, discomfort, pleasure, or pain)? Or maybe even a mixture of all three? Something that, for whatever reason, caught your attention, if only for a second? If so, write it down! Quickly and by hand.
Otherwise, on to Category 3!
* Strikethroughs! Total Delight! And how after 20 some years of writing on a word processor I can still never remember the shorthand of Alt-Shift-5 for strikethrough! (side bar: why “5”??)
Delight Caterpillar 3: Some wonderful, eccentric, or empathetic activity you wittingly, or unwittingly, became a participant of
Just anything of that order that may have been even slightly delightful. Delight in the following ditty from Ross’s book, excerpted from, “Baby, Baby, Baby”:
[This] delight [is] about the flight attendant . . . who called me baby three times in one interaction during which she gave me a cup of seltzer and two bags of pretzels, which may or may not have been protocol, though I was enjoying, at least briefly, what felt like special treatment. Baby, baby, baby. . . .
[I] want to . . . [extol] the loving, familiar despite unfamiliarity . . . epithet despite . . . designations or indications . . . I mean the waitress with her smoky voice calling me hon. My teammate in the pickup five-on-five calling me baby. Love. Sweetie. Kissing cousin, the AAA receptionist who said, when we stalled on the Wertzille Road exit off of 81, for no good reason, which is the best reason, bless your soul.
Your turn! Did someone involve you in an activity, today, or interact with you in a way that made you feel special? Or that gave you good vibes? Or even in a way that they may have intended to be negative, or that might have come off as bizarre, indifferent, etc., that you were able to turn into something positive, wonderful, eccentric, empathetic? If so, write it down! Quickly and by hand.
Still Haven't Claimed a Delight?
Now, for those of you who can honestly say — after a thorough scavenger hunt through your visual memory — that nothing even remotely like any of these three categories of Delights happened to you today (which I dispute entirely!), I offer a sub-category — a Delight lite or tangent that Ross likes to include within nearly every essay. Often parenthetically*.
For example, a text from a friend: “I just got the sweetest textual message from my friend Walt. It read: ‘I love you breadfruit.’”
. . . listening to good music: “. . . headphones on, swaying to the new De La Soul record (delight, which deserves its own entry) . . .”
. . . using some favorite implement, tool, gadget, etc.: “. . . I write poems pretty slowly, line by line, with a pen, a Le Pen these days (a delight, the Le Pen is).”
. . . something you cooked and enjoyed or that was cooked for you to enjoy: “. . . my guacamole — a delight. Another delight: here’s the recipe: avocado, onion, garlic, salt. Really!”
. . . a sojourn or routine trip to a favorite place, public or otherwise: “. . . the Laundromat [is] one of my delights — not quite the democratic space of the post office or public library, but still, delightful.”
Write it down! Quickly and . . . you know the rules by now.
* A parenthetical! (What a cool noun!) As in all the parenthetical Delights I’ve enjoyed during the writing of this piece — which, by the way, I would never have come to without writing it in the first place.
For the Hard Cases and Skeptics
Finally, for you hard cases or skeptics who are telling yourselves that NONE of these things legitimately happened to you today*, I thank you. I am glad that at least someone may have the good and great crustiness to make this statement, even if it’s false, because it allows me to return — briefly! — to a statement I made earlier: “. . . your day did not pass without a Delight taking place. And that goes for anyone in this world, irregardless of race, creed, station, sex, etc.”
How can I possibly qualify that statement? Let’s look at it as a number line. If we were to plot out our day along a straight line and rank every major and minor event on a scale of 1-10, no one’s line could, logically, be perfectly flat. In other words, 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0, etc.
Most likely it would be something like 1 – 5 – 4 – 2 – 0 – 5 – 8. As in, getting out of bed, a 1 (or maybe -1, if you’re me); a 5 for coffee and/or a good breakfast (8 for a favorite coffee or meal pulling you out of a stupor into the first delight of your day); a 4, feeling ungrogged, watching a morning show in relative comfort; 2 = morning commute; 0 might be dealing with that initial weight of seeing all you have to do at work before you leave and only wanting to go home and be comfortable again; 5 might be the right coworker delighting you with some interesting anecdote or telling a good joke; and, 8 might be the uplift felt after accomplishing some tasks and realizing it’s time for lunch!
My point with all this: even if you had the worst possible day, and most of your number line is zeroes, high negatives, there is always, somewhere, an apex or highest point. Even if, out of negatives and zeroes, it was only a two. Even if it was only a relief from some pain and suffering, from some unspeakable woe. But it was there nonetheless.
* Delight, right there, for me — two of them! 1. The use of “legitimately” in thought or dialogue (I love the way it sounds and flows; the way it feels; how I take it with the utmost seriousness, and, at the same time, as an absurdity in nearly all contexts. It’s just awesome!); and 2. The quote that the word skeptic and skepticism always launch right into my mind: “Skepticism is the beginning of belief,” Wilde. And how truly it is! Cynicism, of course, is something else entirely.
A Side Note About Suffering and Intolerable Pain
I want to pause here and say, if you are suffering and/or are in some intolerable pain, I wish you the best, and I hope this practice helps to alleviate, even in the smallest way, what you’re feeling. I would never intend for any of this to be smug. I’ve suffered my own intolerable pain and know how hard it is to see out from the inside.
However, and thank God, when I look back to those experiences, I don’t remember all the hurt, but mostly the good things that brought me out of it. And even every Delight — which I didn’t think of as Delights, then, but respite — that gave me momentary relief from the ordeal I was facing.
Now that you’re thinking about your own relief, your respite, your future delight, write it down quickly and by hand. Claim it — and truly relive the moment that got lost earlier. Why? Because it’s yours, and you deserve it!
Claim Your Delights!
Well, hopefully you’ve already plucked a Delight from your day and written about it; or noted one in thought and are about to write it down. Either way, please share your Delight! Don’t keep it all to yourself! Share it and let it grow.
Then, go out tomorrow with eyes and attitude ready (I’m talking to myself, too). A blank pen and page waiting. (Blank pen! An error from the first draft that I’m keeping. What could that possibly mean? Everything and nothing. What a Delight!) All the while saying, “May my day be full of Delights! Wish me the best.” And I do.
A Note From Amanda
I hope you were Delighted by our FIRST EVER guest post from Matt Bain (who happens to be my ex-husband).
Be sure to check out my interview of Matt, which can be found in audio or video form at the top of this page.
And, of course, I put a worksheet together for you to help you claim your Delights, so check that out.
Plus, I dedicated a post to journaling some of my own Delights: “A Behind The Scenes Look at Embracing Joy”
Click here for more posts with a “be grateful” theme.
If you’re ready to Stop Settling & Start Living! check out our home page to learn more about what The Expectation Gaps has to offer.
And until next time . . . STAY CURIOUS!
Only Have 1 Minute
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PRINTABLE WORKSHEET - Note: You will first have to download the PDF before you can print it.
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