To Be a Better Person, You Need to Understand This

I felt my muscles tense as I heard Alan Watts speak these words — all do-gooders are trouble makers. After all, I’m kind of a do-gooder, aren’t I? Maybe you consider yourself a do-gooder as well. Maybe we both think we’re virtuous people, but we’re really just fooling ourselves. Maybe we’ve created an illusion of virtue.

My mind continued to reel as Watts went on to recount an old parable involving a monkey, a fish, and a flood. During this flood, the monkey’s hanging out in a tree and sees a fish moving around in the water. The monkey thinks the fish is struggling and in danger of drowning, so he picks the fish up out of the water and brings him to the safety of the tree. But we all know that a tree’s not a safe place for a fish. In fact, it’s a death sentence.

And there it was, perfectly illustrated — this illusion of virtue. 

The monkey was a do-gooder who thought he was helping the fish, but it was just an illusion. Because what’s good for a monkey isn’t good for a fish. And, even if the monkey had pulled another monkey out of the water, how would he know that what’s good for one monkey is good for another. Perhaps the other monkey is a strong swimmer and felt safer in the water than in the tree. Who knows.

The point is, as I alluded to in the opening paragraphs, we don’t know what’s best for other people. As much as we like to believe that we do. And imposing our needs, beliefs, and opinions on others is not a virtuous act.

As a do-gooder, this is a hard pill for me to swallow, and maybe it is for you too. I’ve often taken pride in my ability to “help” people. To offer advice when I saw things that I didn’t think they could see — because I thought that advice could make their life better. And, I believed that I would be a better person because I had helped someone else become a better person.

As I continued to listen to Watts, I began to suffer a mild identity crisis. But, after examining my expectations, I realized that this way of thinking, my monkey mentality if you will, has backfired on me several times in my life. So, I started searching for a happy medium, and I think I found one that I’ll share with you soon. But, there’s another illusion of virtue we should discuss first.

And, in case you’re not sure if you are a do-gooder or not, I thought it might be helpful to end this section with the definition of a do-gooder. According to Cambridge Dictionary, a do-gooder is:

Someone who does things that they think will help other people, although the other people might not find their actions helpful

Sound familiar?

Now, let’s move on to that other illusion we were going to discuss.