Benefits: Determine what your anxiety triggers are and the signs your body gives you to let you know that your anxiety is getting out of control.
So That You Can: Learn to calm your anxiety and start living the fulfilling life you were meant to live.
Go From Inspiration to Action With the Worksheet Below!
Another Blog Post About Anxiety?
Yep, this is yet another blog post about anxiety. There must be millions of them out there, floating around in the “cloud.” But this one’s different — because it’s about me.
It’s a story that’s never been told, and one that I didn’t plan to tell. Not because it’s too personal, though some parts are, but because writing about anxiety almost seems trite, at least in the personal development world.
Everybody and their brother want to tell you why you have anxiety and give you five simple tips you can use to get rid of it. If it was only that easy . . .
I’m not knocking the content creators who provide this information; it’s just not what I wanted to write about. But then one day, I did. On a day that I was feeling overly anxious and needed to write a 1-Minute Motivation post, I decided to write a post entitled: The Most Effective Way to Calm Your Anxiety.
That 1-Minute Motivation is my most viewed post to date, by far, with almost 400% more views than my next highest ranking post. So, it’s become pretty obvious to me that I need to write a full-length post focusing on anxiety and my personal experiences with anxiety.
Why? Because my job is to inspire people to live the fulfilling life they were meant to live. And I believe that the most effective way to inspire people is to share our personal stories.
Through the sharing of our personal stories, we realize that someone else “knows that feeling.” That we’re not alone. That what we’re experiencing or feeling is “normal.”
So How Are We Going to Do This?
First, I’ll tell you what I don’t want to focus on. I don’t want to focus on the deep-seated causes of anxiety (although I might end up touching on those a bit). Yes, understanding the cause of your anxiety is important, but I want to focus on what’s going on with you today.
I want to focus on:
- Identifying what triggers your anxiety,
- Recognizing the signs of anxiety, and
- Calming your anxiety.
I’ll attempt to do this by sharing my personal experiences, and I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed that at least one resonates with you. That you can grab onto at least one thing you read here and think to yourself, “I’m not alone. What I’m experiencing is normal.”
That’s the tricky part though, isn’t it? There are so many types of anxiety, so many triggers, and so many causes. It’s hard to know if you’ll be able to relate to mine or not. But it’s worth a try ?.
6 Common Anxiety Triggers
As I was figuring out how to frame this post, I came across a video put together by Psych2Go that briefly describes 6 common causes of anxiety. I would, and am, calling them triggers. They are:
- Overthinking
- Overachieving
- Low self-esteem
- Pessimistic thinking
- Traumatic events
- New experiences
I’ve personally experienced several types of anxiety at differing levels — from being anxious about making a phone call to being so anxious I couldn’t eat or sleep for days. From feeling the tightness in my chest and stomach that we all know to randomly throwing up without warning.
Using these triggers as a starting point, I’ll do my best to relate my personal experiences to the first three, and I’ll also share the actions I’ve taken to calm my anxiety. Hopefully this will help you identify your own triggers so that you can recognize when your anxiety is hitting. (I planned to address all six triggers, but the post was getting way too long ?.)
Overthinking
I don’t overthink, or do I, maybe I do, but no, I don’t think I do . . .
Does this stream of thought sound familiar? Yes? Phew, I’m not the only one! If you’ve read any of my work, you know that I am a chronic overthinker. It can be a blessing and a curse.
I have two dominate overthinking triggers: either I’m entering uncharted territory or I’m trying to solve a problem. (I guess there’s a third trigger, too: when I think something I said or did was taken the wrong way. But, I’ve gotten a lot better at controlling that one, so I didn’t even think of it at first.)
Overthinking can be a curse because it causes me to obsess about something that I either have no control over or that I can do nothing about in that moment. Say I’m trying to solve a problem. You would think that after I’ve figured out a solution, my brain would stop obsessing about it, but no. My brain will then go on to obsess about the execution of the solution. Even if it’s something I cannot execute for days.
There are two underlying triggers that drive my obsession: fear of failure and fear of disappointing people who are counting on me. (In reality, these people might not even be counting on me, but my perception is that they are. That’s because I’m also an overachiever. More on that later.)
Overthinking can also be a blessing because it has made me a very good problem solver. I can analyze data quickly and can often see connections that other people don’t. So, when my brain goes into a tailspin, I remind myself that it’s the price I pay for the gifts I have been given. And that it will pass.
Signs That I’m Overthinking: Besides the tornado of thoughts in my head, my body gives me several physical clues. For one, I will find myself holding my breath or breathing shallowly. I will also clench my jaw and tighten my shoulders. I have several broken teeth and a permanent knot in my shoulder to show for it ?.
How Do I Calm My Overthinking: An important mindset shift that I’ve worked on for several years is recognizing when something is my problem or responsibility and when it’s not. This requires setting good boundaries and clear expectations.
But what’s helped me quiet my mind more than anything else is my newly found daily meditation practice — 10 minutes of guided meditation almost every morning. It’s taught me that I don’t have to engage with my thoughts. Thoughts come and go, just like feelings, and I can choose to let the thought pass by or I can choose to engage with it. Even trying to stop the thought is engaging with it. So, just let it pass by!
There’s a link to the YouTube channel I use for guided meditations at the end of the post.
Overachieving
“Do it right, or don’t do it at all!” That’s been my personal mantra for as long as I can remember. And, on the surface, it seems to be a pretty sound one. Kind of.
Here’s where the anxiety comes in . . . if I don’t have my Deliberate Thinking cap on, I tend to apply this mantra to every, single, little thing that I do. I’ll spend way too much time on things that don’t matter, which leaves me with no time for the things that do matter. You can see where this is going.
Another way overachieving triggers my anxiety has to do with my expectation of what “do it right” means. If I’m trying to “do it right” based on someone else’s definition or expectation of what “right” is, I am sure to trigger my anxiety. That’s when excessively comparing myself to others and worst case scenario thinking enter the scene.
And, of course, my underlying fear of failure and fear of disappointing people lead to overachieving as well. Especially since I have a pretty good track record of being a high achiever. I end up expecting myself to be a high achiever at everything and thinking that everyone else is expecting that of me as well.
Signs That I’m Focused on Overachieving: Feeling burned out is an obvious sign. I also find myself procrastinating until I feel completely prepared for a given task, to ensure great results of course. And, I find myself feeling guilty about relaxing; going through the list of things I “should” be doing in my head, over and over again.
How Do I Calm My Overachieving Ways: First and foremost, I figured out what my core values are. With my core values as my guide, I can prioritize my time, develop personal expectations, and set meaningful goals.
Click here if you could use some help naming your core values.
I calm my perfectionism, a close cousin to overachieving, by identifying my priorities and setting time limits based on these priorities. The way I write my posts is a great example of this. My priority is to publish one full-length post a week because I’ve made that commitment to my members.
In order to make that happen, I have to limit the amount of time I spend editing my work. The first post I wrote took me over 20 hours to complete. Granted, it was my first one, but I’m positive I overedited it. Now, I complete a post in about 8 hours, which includes two edits. Then I post it to the site, and I don’t look back.
Working this way has taught me so many lessons: (1) I’ve learned to let myself fail by putting my work out into the world, (2) I’ve learned to let go of perfection by limiting myself to two edits, and (3) I’ve learned that giving your best does not mean giving your all; some of that “all” needs to be saved for the next project.
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Low Self-Esteem
I hide it well, but yes, I’ve suffered from low self-esteem. I don’t struggle with it nearly as much as I used to, but it’s definitely been an anxiety trigger in my life.
A big trigger for me: being around gossipy people, whether it be in real life, on TV, or on the internet. It took me a long time to figure this one out, but it makes so much sense. When I hear people gossiping, I’m very aware of the fact that people must be talking behind my back too.
When I think people are talking behind my back, I start imagining all the things they could possibly be talking about. I start noticing all of my faults and short-comings, and when I begin to focus on those things, my anxiety is triggered.
And that of course leads to another trigger, comparing myself to other people, whether it be their looks, their possessions, their successes, whatever.
Signs That My Self-Esteem is Low: A couple obvious signs are that I become overly critical of myself and self-conscious. This leads to self-doubt and questioning my own judgment. I’ll then notice that I’m feeling offended easily. And I find myself coveting things I don’t even want.
How Do I Calm the Attacks on My Self-Esteem: A big mindset shift for me has been to recognize the red flag and green flag people in my life (click here to find out who these people are). I’ve done my best to distance myself from the red flag people. When I can’t distance myself, I ask myself, “Is this a person I respect?” If the answer is no, then I tell myself that I don’t care what their opinion of me is. And, I remind myself of all the people I do respect who think I’m pretty awesome. Their opinions are the ones that matter.
I’ve also calmed the attacks by becoming very intentional with my media use (learn more about that here; social media -or- mass media). I don’t use Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. — any platform where people are trying to convince me that their life is amazing or where people are gossiping, trolling, and baiting. And the only reality TV shows I watch are ones like American Pickers, Oak Island, and Gold Rush.
Last, but certainly not least, I’ve been listening to other people’s stories; their struggles, fears, and insecurities. What I’ve learned is that nobody knows what they’re doing. Everyone is afraid when they try something new. Everyone fails several times before they succeed. No one starts at the top. And, most importantly, I’ve learned that none of us are alone, and we have much more in common than we think.
A Quick Word About Medication
I want to broach this subject because I feel like there’s still a lot of shame around taking medication for anxiety or other mental health conditions. There is no reason to feel weak or ashamed if you need medication. Most people wouldn’t think twice about taking a couple of aspirin for a headache. Why is taking medication for a mental health condition any different? In both cases, a part of your body is not functioning properly.
I used to be nervous about taking medication myself. The first time I did was when I was experiencing the crippling anxiety I referred to above. I went to see a counselor, and she told me to go to my doctor as soon as possible and get some medication. She said that if I didn’t, I would be in the hospital by the end of the week. So, I did.
Anxiety meds are tricky though. You have to be patient and find the one that works for you; I went through three or four. You’re going to feel out of your head for the first couple of days, but, if you’re on the right med, that feeling will go away. And, if you’re on the right med, you will still feel like yourself. You will still experience feelings, highs and lows, and all that. But, the meds will help you think straight so that you can deal with your feelings.
As my life improved and I found a new normal, I stopped taking anxiety meds for awhile. Eventually, I realized that my anxiety was still affecting my daily life more than it should. So, I went back on a very low dose medication, just to take the edge off, and that works great for me.
I’m not pushing the idea that everyone needs to be on an anxiety med, but I am saying that if you need to take medication, know that you are not alone.
Now It’s Up To You
What triggers your anxiety?
What are some signs your body gives you to let you know that your anxiety is getting out of hand?
How can you calm your anxiety?
I hope that something in this post has resonated with you and that I’ve given you a running start toward answering these questions. If there’s something else you would like me to write about, don’t hesitate to let me know.
If you’d like to share your answers in the comments, that would be amazing! You never know how many lives you might impact by sharing your story. Feel free to enter a username if you prefer.
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And until next time . . . STAY CURIOUS!
Only Have 1 Minute
Links
Great Meditation YouTube channel for guided meditations
6 Common Causes of Anxiety, posted to YouTube by Psych2Go on 12.24.19
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