Benefits: Learn from my mistakes, and remind yourself to engage with social media critically and conscientiously.
So That You Can: Avoid having your one-off moments haunt you for the rest of your life and obscure your potential.
For this post, we have to travel back to the years 1991 – 1995, my high school days. Yep, that’s me; tall bangs and all ?
Back in the day, I faced a lot of the same social pressures that kids face today, but I didn’t have the added pressure of knowing that all of my mistakes and embarrassing moments could be posted for the whole world to witness and comment on. For eternity.
I was a slave to comparison, but I only compared myself to my peers and to the stars of the day. Not to every “influencer” in the world. Plus, my peers and I couldn’t crop and filter our pictures to make our lives look ridiculously sic. (Sic is how the kids say cool, in case you were wondering ?.)
What has changed is pretty obvious — smartphones have become a basic necessity for most teens.
Teens of my day didn’t have at-home internet, let alone internet access in our pockets. We also didn’t have free long-distance phone service, so even making phone calls to certain friends was a luxury. Forget the fact that we couldn’t text our friends every time we had a random thought to share.
Our version of social media consisted of loud mouths spewing gossip and passing notes around school. News might take a few days to get around to everyone, and, if the news was about us, we had time to prepare for the backlash.
Parents Just Don’t Understand
No, we don’t because we grew up in simpler times, at least in regard to the amount of public information that was available. I can’t help but wonder how my life might have turned out if today’s technologies were available then.
In particular, I keep thinking of a couple embarrassing moments in my high school career and how those scenarios would have played out in today’s social media-driven world. We’ve all experienced them, and we’d all rather forget they happened.
The unfortunate reality is that in today’s society these one-off moments could haunt you for the rest of your life. They could be used to paint a picture of your character that, although completely false, is hard to overcome and could even obscure your potential.
The Great Expectation Creator
We create many societal, surface, and self-inflicted expectations based on what we see and read on social media. (Not sure what the 3 types of expectations are? Check out our Content page for definitions.) When we see other people echoing our thoughts (expectations) in the comments section, these thoughts take hold and become beliefs.
For better or worse, society’s view of you, your peers’ view of you, and even your view of yourself can be altered with precision and efficiency like no other time in history. With a stealthy “click” of a camera and a couple quick clicks on a screen, your whole world can change. You can have a whole new set of expectations to define and overcome.
What if . . .
The one-off, teenage moments I’m reflecting on could have changed the trajectory of my life had they happened in 2019. As it stands, not many people know about them, and I highly doubt anyone remembers them but me, save the people directly involved.
These moments, in and of themselves, are not a reflection of my true character. (Then again, maybe they are, and I just don’t want to admit it.) Nonetheless, they are not moments that I want people’s opinion of my character to be built upon.
I wouldn’t want people to expect that type of behavior from me.
However, people should expect me to make poor decisions once in awhile, which is a condition of life, and not use these lapses in judgment to define me.
Let’s keep these thoughts in mind as we get into the sordid details. (OK, I’m being a bit dramatic here; the details aren’t that sordid ?.) As you continue reading, think of some not-so-stellar moments from your life, and what you would think of someone else who was captured in a similar moment.
Is There a Full Moon Today? (circa 1993)
I feel the need to preface this by saying, we lived in the sticks and had very few things to keep us entertained. So, we tended to get a bit silly and go a little overboard trying to entertain ourselves.
I was hanging out with a couple friends, and we started taking goofy pictures of each other. On film of course; digital cameras weren’t a thing yet. As the goofiness ramped up, me and one of the other girls decided to moon the camera. Yes, a bare-butt moon.
Fast forward a couple days — the photographer in this scenario had gotten her film developed and brought the pictures to school. As was standard in the day, she had double prints made; she gave me a copy of the infamous picture and gave the other copy to Mooner #2. We cracked up (get it?), amused by the evidence of our antics. No big deal, right?
Except Mooner #2 happens to be someone known to draw attention to herself and seems to thrive on shocking people. So . . . she proceeded show the picture around school.
I don’t remember how I found out this was going on, but I remember being the target of several comments, laughs, and pointed fingers in the halls. I was embarrassed and outraged for about a minute, but I quickly let it go because what was done was done. Plus, my moon didn’t look too bad (ha!). I just hoped the excitement would die down soon.
And it did. I don’t remember any comments, funny looks, or anything out of the ordinary after that day. As far as I know, none of the teachers or administrators caught wind of the picture. I threw my copy away, and I assume Mooner #2 did the same. Life went on without a hitch.
There’s Definitely a Full Moon Today (circa 2019)
How might this play out today?
After the photographer takes the picture, I quickly realize my blunder and try to grab her phone away from her, but I’m not quick enough. Mooner #2 grabs the phone, swiftly forwards the picture to herself, and proceeds to post it on Instagram.
Recall that Mooner #2 likes to be the center of attention, which means she has hundreds of followers. The post goes viral. Now, not only do our peers have access to it, so do our parents, siblings, teachers, school admin, and complete strangers.
Even though I know I shouldn’t, I am compelled to read ALL the comments streaming in on the post, which range from “Nice ass” to “Slut” to completely inappropriate. So of course my fragile, teenage self-confidence is at an all-time low.
Awhile later, my mom somehow sees the post and calls me to tell me she is coming to pick me up immediately! Besides a bit of my parents’ trust and respect, I lose all “electronics” privileges indefinitely. To a teen, this is a fate worse than death.
Then, I have to go to school and face the consequences. It is apparent to me that everyone is talking about me and laughing behind my back; excluding the ones who are doing it straight to my face.
If that weren’t bad enough, Mooner #2 and I get called into the principal’s office. Someone printed the picture, displayed it on the wall in the main hallway of the school, and now it is sitting on his desk.
We are not punished since “the act” didn’t take place on school grounds, but our parents are notified, adding a layer to the shit-storm at home.
By the end of the week, someone else’s one-off moment has gone viral, and the heat is off of me. My parents have cooled down and given me “electronics” privileges again. But it’s not over.
The image of Moon #1 and Moon #2 can’t be erased from people’s minds that quickly, and, intentionally or not, it does affect people’s expectations of me. And my vulnerable self-confidence isn’t able to bounce back that quickly either.
Time goes on; we can all laugh about it now. Then, 10 years later and unbeknownst to me, a potential employer performs a social media screening and finds the picture. My resume goes in the trash. It’s still not over.
Scuffle with “Slutty Girl” (circa 1991)
It may be hard to believe, but I have a big mouth at times. It has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion.
This time, I was sitting with a group of friends at lunch, talking to a friend who rode my bus. I don’t remember why, but I was trying to describe another girl who rode our bus to her. “You know, that slutty girl.”
Little did I know, Slutty Girl’s sister was right by us and heard me. She made it known in no uncertain terms that she was going to tell her sister, and her sister was going to “kick my ass.” Ay, ay, ay. . .
Luckily, it was Friday, and I wasn’t riding the bus home that day, so I didn’t have to face the consequences immediately. Unluckily, that meant I had all weekend to dread Monday morning. Maybe she’d forget about it by then.
Nope! When Slutty Girl and Sister got on the bus, Sister quickly pointed me out, “That’s her!” and Slutty Girl started coming straight for me with fire in her eyes. “So, I hear you think I’m a slut!”
Then I did something else I’m not so proud of; I threw the friend I had been talking to under the bus (no pun intended). My friend didn’t ride the bus very often, so I was pretty sure I could safely use her as a scapegoat. Not the right move, but I was 14 after all (if that’s any justification).
With as much indignance as I could muster, “I said the girl YOU [my friend] think is a slutty girl. I didn’t call you a slutty girl.”
We both knew this was complete B.S., but Slutty Girl accepted this explanation without question because she didn’t really want to fight me and was relieved to be off the hook. “Okay. . . let me know the next time she rides the bus.” “I will.”
End of story.
Street Brawl with “Slutty Girl” (circa 2019)
Same setup except Sister immediately takes a picture of me and sends it to Slutty Girl, telling her what I just said. Slutty Girl (who is not at school that day) is enraged, and posts my picture “This bitch called me a slut!”
I still don’t have to face the consequences until Monday morning, but this time, I don’t throw my friend under the bus because there’s a much better chance word would get back to her. And Slutty Girl can’t back down from the fight so easily because, thanks to the post, all of her friends have responded with comments of support and encouragement.
She let’s me know that as soon as we get off the bus, it’s going down. Great! Another 20 minutes of agony.
We fight. I actually kick her ass (this is my story after all), and we are swiftly taken to the principal’s office. We both receive suspensions, which goes over great with the parents.
I lose privileges at home, and there are no other immediate consequences. The whole thing blows over pretty quickly.
Until . . . it’s time to apply to colleges, and I have to explain why I have a suspension on my record.
Then, 10 years later and unbeknownst to me, a potential employer performs a social media screening and finds a video of the fight. My resume goes in the trash. It’s still not over.
Altered Reality
Is it really possible that the 2019 scenarios would have obscured my potential? I think it is.
In the true versions, very few people ever knew about the events. No school faculty knew, my parents didn’t know, and there was no electronic proof to show up and haunt me years later. Neither event had much of an impact on my life, and everyone involved went on with life as if it had never happened.
In the 2019 versions, there is a good chance my life would be different in some way. If for no other reason than the fact that so many more people would have been involved. I would have had a whole new set of expectations to overcome.
I would have lost my parents’ trust. There’s a good chance that I would have missed out on some opportunities at school, in college, and in the workforce.
My identity in the eyes of my peers would have changed, and that’s a difficult thing to deal with as a teenager. And, worst of all, the way I view myself would have changed.
Besides the initial sting of embarrassment, I would have the fear of never knowing when those moments would rear their ugly heads again. I would feel the self-loathing and guilt induced by feeding into the negative comments left on the posts. I would feel the isolation evoked by seeing how “great” everyone else’s life was and how “happy” they were while I was being punished and cast out as a leper.
Engage with Social Media Critically
Generally speaking, I was a “good” kid. I was an honor student, I never got in trouble at school and rarely got in trouble at home. I didn’t drink or do drugs. I was responsible, conscientious, and hardworking. This is my true character.
But, just as all kids are, I was also immature, impulsive, and shortsighted. I was lucky enough to grow up when kids could still be all of those things without the world being witness to them.
Kids, and people in general, don’t have that luxury today. That’s why it is so important to practice deliberate thinking and to approach the messages we are bombarded with critically.
To give others the benefit of the doubt and assume good intent before we jump to conclusions.
To remind ourselves that we cannot judge someone’s character based on a one-off moment that happened to be captured on camera.
We never know how our actions, good or bad, affect other people. You don’t want to be indirectly responsible for obscuring someone’s potential. I can only hope that this thought will pop into our heads the next time any of us are tempted to spread gossip through social media or IRL.
Comment time . . . Do you have a one-off moment that changed the trajectory of your life? No specifics, but, generally speaking, how did it impact your life? What have you done to overcome the consequences? Or what can you do now?
The more real life examples we can share, the better chance we have of finding one we can relate to and learn from.
