Benefits: Redefine what your personal “best” is; your personal growth goal.
So That You Can: Balance your accolades and your ego and focus on living the fulfilling life you were meant to live.
Go From Inspiration to Action With the Worksheet Below!
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The Best Personal Growth Goal You Can Have
The best personal growth goal is to be #1 at everything, right? Everyone knows that. End of post.
Okay, not really. But that’s what we’re taught our whole lives. It starts with our parents bragging about how quickly we took to walking, talking, etc. Then, we go to school, and we get gold stars and blue ribbons for being first. We go through our school days, and if we’re #1 in our class, we are blessed with a special title that we can put on our college applications and resume — valedictorian. After we transition into the working world, we receive the coveted corner office or parking space to remind those punks we work with that we’re #1.
After society presents these accolades to us, it places them on a scale. What has society placed on the other side of the scale? Comparison and judgment. Along with comparison and judgment come the feelings of pride, scarcity, jealousy, and envy. And we’re supposed to somehow balance this scale.
We’re supposed to celebrate our own victories without becoming too proud, without feeling guilty, and without worrying that the things we have worked so hard for will be taken away from us.
We’re supposed to applaud others for their accomplishments without becoming jealous or envious.
If you stop and Deliberately Think about it, this is a pretty tall order. No wonder we have such a hard time maintaining daily habits that would lead to our personal growth.
So What’s the Solution?
Wow! I’m giving that away already. Kind of. ?
I believe the solution is to make serving others the focus of your efforts. Yes, you want to work toward realizing your full potential, but you don’t want to make fame and fortune the focus of your efforts. You want to focus on serving others to the best of your abilities. You want to focus on taking care of yourself so that you have love to give. That’s what’s going to balance the scales, which will enable you to create the fulfilling life you were meant to live.
Again, that’s a very tall order and another oh-so fun balancing act. We’re hardwired to serve, but we ’re also hardwired to be selfish. It’s quite a pickle. And the cards are stacked against us because society has conditioned us to be selfish. Whatever shall we do?
What I’m Doing With My Kids
This started out as a joke, but I’ve actually come to embrace it. I’ll give you a little back story.
My step-son, Spencer, plays hockey, and his team plays in several tournaments each season. There was a season when they seemed to be coming in 2nd place a lot. After one of the final tournament games, my husband called to tell me that the team had placed 2nd, again.
I knew that Spencer would be a little down when they got home because he’s very competitive, especially when it comes to hockey. So, I attempted to lighten the mood by chanting, “We’re #2! We’re #2!” as they walked in the door. Suffice it to say that it didn’t lighten the mood.
(A little more back story; in case you’re not familiar with the reference. I stole this chant from The Emoji Movie. There’s a scene where the poop emoji and his son chant, “We’re #2! We’re #2!” Get it – HA! Anyway…)
Still trying to lighten the mood, I started selling the idea that being #2 is actually better than being #1. Ever since then, “We’re #2!” has become a mantra in our house. Okay, so I’m the only one who ever says it. Still, I’ve come to realize that this mindset has some merit.
I’m trying to instill this idea in my kids because I think this mindset can help them balance the scales a bit. It encourages them to always do their best but to also realize that their best can be #2, #3, or even #203.
A poop emoji Spencer gave me that I proudly display on my desk lamp.
Let’s Put It Together
Here it is, the best personal growth goal you can have is to strive to You are trying to access restricted content. Click here to log in.
Reason #1 - You Will Be a Gracious Loser
Having the emotional strength to be a gracious loser is a virtue; one that is often overlooked in our “We’re #1” society.
Of course you’re going to be disappointed if you lose out on something that you’ve dedicated a lot of time and effort to. Especially if you gave your all but it just wasn’t enough. There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad, discouraged, or even a wee bit jealous.
But, a gracious loser will process those feelings, rather than internalize them. She will be able to objectively look at the winner and say, “Yep, they are rightfully better than me and deserved to win.” Rather than wallow in her loss, she will develop an action plan to better herself. And, most importantly, she will realize that her self-worth is not dependent on always being the winner.
On the other hand, a resentful loser will push her feelings aside and find someone to blame for her loss. She won’t be able to look at the winner’s skills objectively and will insist that she lost because the world is out to get her. She will wallow in the loss, which will lead to feelings of envy and self-loathing. And envy is one of the most destructive feelings there is.
Envy will make you believe that you can’t get what others have. This belief will make you want to destroy or attack whatever it is they have that you want. If you think about all the horrible things people do to each other, you’ll see that most (if not all) of them stem from envy.
So we’ll combat envy by proudly declaring, “We’re #2!” Because we realize that we don’t want to live with a scarcity mindset, believing that we will never have enough or never be enough. Because we realize that a scarcity mindset won’t allow us to be of service to others. Because we know that we need to be of service to others to balance the scales.
Reason #2 - You Will Realize That Your “Best” is Dynamic
Your “best” today is not going to be the same as it was yesterday or the same that it will be tomorrow for two reasons. First, as you learn and grow, your best will change. Second, you’re going to have some “off” days.
Once you realize that your best is dynamic, you will start pushing yourself to truly be “your” best. Not what society tells you is best. Not what your family and friends tell you is best. Not even what your ego tells you is best. You’ll begin to recognize when you’re doing your best and when you’re letting yourself cheat a bit; when you could push yourself a bit more.
You will also learn to accept the fact that you’re going to have some off days. You’re going to face challenges that will leave you emotionally and physically drained. You’re going to get sick. You’re going to get injured. You’re going to mess up.
On those days, it’s okay to set your personal best bar much lower than normal. If you don’t, it’s going to take much longer to get back to your normal, butt-kicking self. I know from personal experience that this is much easier said than done. However, repeating, “We’re #2!” is a helpful reminder. ?
When you realize that your best is dynamic, you become self-aware and confident because you are not linking your self-worth to a set standard of excellence. In turn, you will become more fulfilled. In this state of being, you will want to be of service to others, again, balancing the scales.
Reason #3 - You Will Value Staying Curious
One component of The Cycle of Deliberate Thinking is to Stay Curious! And, I end all of my posts by saying, “Stay Curious!” So, yeah, I believe that staying curious is kind of a big deal.
By adopting a “We’re #2!” mindset, you acknowledge that you don’t know everything. You acknowledge that there is always more to learn. And you begin to focus on the journey of becoming your best self rather than the destination of being #1.
Staying curious will also open your eyes to other points of view and change your perspective of your own life. You will practice gratitude more often and appreciate the “All-Natural Privileges” (click here if you want to know what that means) you have.
Ultimately, staying curious will feed your desire to be of service to others, which, as we already know, will balance the scales.
So, Are You Ready to Be #2?
Are you ready to balance your accolades and your ego? (Click here to learn more about your ego.)
Are you ready to adopt a mindset of abundance and gratitude? (Click here to learn about practicing gratitude.)
Are you ready to applaud others without feeling jealous or envious? (Haven’t written about that yet ?.)
Need a little help to get there? Then check out our worksheet, which will help you Deliberate Think through the process of developing this mindset.
Click here for more posts with a “personal growth” theme.
Until next time . . . STAY CURIOUS!
Only Have 1 Minute
Links
Getting Free Of Self-Importance Is The Key To Happiness: Polly Young-Eisendrath at TEDxMiddlebury, posted to YouTube by TEDx Talks on 8.18.13
The Other Side of Ego | Jonathan Gravenor | TEDxOcala, posted to YouTube by TEDx Talks on 8.08.17
Comparing Ourselves to Others | Sameer Hinduja | TEDxFAUJupiter, posted to YouTube by TEDx Talks on 4.27.15
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